haix .. i need courage

Feeling really tired these few days . I want a break yet I'm feeling guilty over my studies . Its all contradictive . Suddenly I realised how superficial friendships can be . And I wonder if ..

Went out for dinner yesterday . Jerry and Grill again ! Had buffalo wings ! Well . Buffalo DON'T have wings and NEITHER can they fly . Its just chicken wings named after buffalo . Its great . Spicy barbequed ones :D Oh yeahs . Forgot to mention that we went out to celebrate Dad's birthday but well .. He's the one paying too :X

Had potato skin again ! Melted cheese on potato with the skin still on . GREAT ! :X Missed it like crazy . Wanted to go back just to eat this . Its like the best side dish there :P

After dinner . I SINNED ! Had chocolate fondant =X For that I think I have to like run 1000 rounds to make up . It was SOOO nice . I even wanted a second serving . But the sugar level is kind of .. :P But its really so nice . When you use your spoon to take cut it, the chocolate inside oozes out . And you don't feel sick of it even after taking so many mouthfuls . The chocolate ain't those really sweet ones . Hence making you feel addicted ! Well, it made me addicted to it :D

Hm .. Well . Yeah . Don't really feel like typing anything now . Shall go check my computing task thingy . Can't figure out what's wrong with it ..

i realised that it was not because of me sleeping late which made me tear easily . its the emotions . i feel so much like crying these few days . everything just makes me feel like crying . i can even cry during lessons . dam . i think im going crazy -.-

i duno how to say this . and i don't think i ever will . yupp . bottle it up it my heart and try to get through it on my own . it has always been like this but everything is getting more and mroe difficult . im struggling like crazy but i don't have the courage to talk to someone . its kinda dumb . tried talking to someone . but it was brushed off . so i guess .. i shall keep it in my heart instead . 

i feel so .. haix . i have no idea how to get over this . but i dont wana say it out at all . and sometimes i wonder if its already too late . and whats wrong . whats wrong with myself . i kind of feel that all of these are self inflicted . like whats the point . i have no idea . but i can't help but feel like this . 

even crying doesnt help now .

so whats next ?