keep thinking . thinking of what she said . darn . what's wrong with me . it doesn't matter really . and am i doing all these nonsense . all these unnecssary things that won't make a difference . 

not just insane . dumb is part of the factor . or maybe there are more things around . there won't be just one method of course . many others just waiting for me to implement it . and now i've gotten to the next one . maybe this one would work after all . maybe ..