Friday, June 06, 2008

sometimes i wonder how much do people even know about themselves and its really funny when you could know and understand your friends so much but yet you don't know anything about yourself . don't you feel idiotic ? is like sometimes when my friend would tell me some stuff and i just realised that they know me more than i do and i feel really weird . seriously how do people feel when they found out that the people around them know them more than they themselves knew ?

i feel naked . not literally of course . its hard to explain into words . its like people can see through you and know what you are thinking . people always hide themselves up and never shows their true side to others . i wonder why . not trying to say that im not like this . but i really want to know why we are doing this . if everyone just come clean about this .. i guess it would everyone surrounding them have a better life of not needing to guess about what the person is feeling isn't it ?

a lot of times i ponder about the fact why i do not understand myself at all . today something happened and then i was thinking really hard . why did i do this ? does it really matter that much ? do i really want this ? have these questions ever run through your mind before ? once, twice or many times ? through reflection i found out a lot of things that i never knew about myself . i once thought that i was rational . but ever since i realised that it was not true i started to do more and more things that normally i wouldn't do .

im starting to not understand myself at all . its getting worse . im getting irrational . im becoming not like myself . i guess in the clique im always the one that think the most before i act . because i believe that by saying something even though you don't mean it could hurt the person a lot . it might not mean a lot to me but it might mean a lot to the person . even if the person do forgive you i strongly believe the statement " wounds heal but scars never will " . i feel that words can hurt a person a lot . it can cause the person to remember it forever even if he or she doesn't show it .

its the same as other people isn't it ? having a fake front . not expressing how they really feel inside . and then it comes to the question why ? why don't they show it ? insecure ? whatever . afraid that the others around them would look down on him or her ? why must they create this " perfect" image of themselves when they themselves know that nothing is perfect in this world ?

why do people not show how they feel ? why feel so insecure ? on the surface everyone looks and seems like they think different and is different as compared to others . but when you really look into it, deep down everyone is exactly the same . we all get worried about the same stuff, we all want to create this " perfect" image to everyone else surrounding us .

but in the end it still comes down to the question . why am i insecure ? why do i not want others to see the true me ? the real me ? am i that afraid of how others think ? why do so much to mingle into the crowd ? why not just be yourself, who you are ? express whatever feelings you have ? why not just tear the fake you apart and let people see who you really are ?
most of the time we get so used to our fake fronts that we even lost the "real" us . yet we can't argue the fact that we are always changing . who knows ? maybe the you that you thought that was fake was actually you ? and you got confused ? who knows seriously . who are you . what do like . what do you want . who you really are deep inside . what do you really feel ? how do you make sure that these are your true thinking and not just something affected by others ?

who are you .. ?

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