raindrops . cold and wet .. against my skin.

sometimes its funny isn't it ? hiding your feelings and all . everyone is just like this . brave on the front . never letting other people know how they feel .

got back my maths paper today . disappointed ? of course . i died . yupp . you can say whatever you like . im weak in maths . whatever shit . yeahs . i know that im really weak in it . i do them really slow . i can spend a whole day doing just a few questions . but i really worked hard for it . i really wanted at least a pass . i know im weak . so i worked hard . i even tried to do all the questions . but i didn't have time to finish in the end . i kind of expected it . because i didn't even have time to study finish transformation . in the end it was 15 marks . and i couldn't do at all .

41/100 .. know something ? i never worked so hard for something and yet got such a bad result before . yes . you're right . in my whole life . everything i worked hard for i could get it . even if i didn't work hard for it . i would still get it somehow . it was kind of a huge impact of me . i spent really a long time studying for maths . its like . if i spent 10 hours studying the other subjects together, i spent 50 hours studying on maths . because i knew i was weak .. i wanted to prove that i could do it . but so what ? seriously . so what .

nope . i didn't say anything . i did not show any expression of sadness . hahas . whats the point ? isn't it . and . i don't want other people to know how im feeling . no way . never . i hate it when people understand how i feel . the feeling of being naked . sucks . inside out . totally sucks . smiles and laughter and all . bullshit . crap .

after a few hours . i revived . i was thinking . actually things are always how you react to it isn't it ? if you think in a positive way . you could instead look ahead . treat this not as a setback . instead a good experience . a good wake up call that i have to work harder . so what if im weak . so what if others keep telling me that . every time they reiterate that point . its a reminder that i should not be slacking . study hard . and i'll prove to them in promos i can do it . i did not get 13 points for nothing . not a score to be proud of . but i know i can do better . i haven't really give my all yet .

giving up now only means you're giving up on yourself . im not such a failure . im not such a weak being . i wouldn't die over such small things . trivial i say it . totally minor . i fell but i shall stand up again . because i know that if i work hard one day, i can get what i want . what i really want . i can prove that i can get whatever i want if i put my heart into it .

quoted from wei qin " lets be a study nerd " . yupp ! i reflected . this block test was enough . a total wake up call . if i don't want to retain . i have to prove that i did not get my o level results as a luck . nothing is luck . everything is your fault . if you scored like shit . you deserve it . i deserved this result . but to think that i made it to jc only proves one thing . i can do it . and i would work hard . i shall stop all these slacking . this is stupid .

playing hard is important . so is studying hard . jc . approaching 17 years old . i got to be mature enough . to juggle my studies and play life together should be easy .. someone mature should have no difficulty to that .

and to those that are giving up on yourself out there . i have only one word for you . WEAK . a little setback and you're giving up ? pathetic . totally . because hard work would always begets results . and that statement is always absolute .. if you can't even brace up now . its over . total failure . don't waste all the effort you have put in . its never too late .. to work hard and prove to others .. you can shine (:

i believe that i can .. and so can you (: