i need a holiday ..

Gosh . My back is aching like crazy . I wonder what's wrong . It's like few days already . Am I getting some weird sickness or something ? x.x 

Today went for dance in the afternoon . Saw Jolene, Shannon, Melvin, CheeWee, Ibrahim, Leonita, Cindy . LOL . Named like everyone I saw there ? -______- Gosh I'm such a lamer . Typing crap now because I'm so tired . Ibrahim was like asking me what's DIFFERENT about him . I mean it's SO obvious because he made it LOOK really obvious or something . He got his ear pierced . And how does he look ? No difference at all . LOL . I mean seriously -____- Unless he's as hot as JaeJoong ~ Then it's a different story :P Oh wait . Jaejoong is already hot . With dangling cross earrings, he is hotter so which means .. the difference is .. -ter ? LOL -__________- Spouting nonsense again x.x

Dance was different today ? We learnt how to walk like zombies . LOL . Shouldn't say why . Oh well . But we all looked like drunk zombies . Sharp movements . Everything . I'm just so lagging behind or something . Haix .. Forget it . I'll just have to practise harder and know what's the point now ? I can't . I don't have time . I still have maths homework to complete which is like " I TOTALLY DESERVE IT " thing and dance practise is like everyday already . I feel so dead beat right now that I would just want to sit down here and slack . Tired, really tired .

There's dance tomorrow, open house on friday and also dance again on saturday . Sunday would be a day to do maths ? Gosh . I NEED A BREAK . Ever since holiday started, I've been so busy for dance because of the upcoming dance performance in Japan . Then when I came back, I did had a break . Watched Bleach for really long ? And now, maths and dance . It's not like I'm not enjoying dance but something is wrong because I'm really stressed up . I know it's not supposed to be like this . I'm really glad that I'm not the only one feeling like this . And I can't say that running away from it completely ain't one of my choice . I don't know if I should feel happy that I'm in for SYF for modern dance or should I be tensed up or whatever . I just feel so confused and I don't really know what I want . 

I need time to sit down and get my thoughts straight and also plan for the year . Hello ? A levels is like this year already . And it feels like O levels period . Just a week before O levels I reflect and asked myself . What have I been doing . These 4 years has just gone to waste . It's like if you ask me . I don't see my brain filled with knowledge . I don't feel prepared for the major exam . I don't even know what I'm doing . It was like okay exam is here, I'll just study . Rest of the time was playing . I was obsessed with computer games for like so long . Even during O level period I was playing . It was the prelims that got me really depressed and motivated to study . It was really a "wake up call " for me . It wasn't a difficult paper and what did I get ? Something ain't even worth to talk about . And then at that time I asked myself if this is what I wanted . My future is in my own hands and I'm just ruining it . I was already giving up on myself . I told myself whatever my O level results are I did my best . As in the last minute kind . And even my results were a miracle . I have to say that lady luck was with me .

This time, I don't want it to be like this . I hate feeling so insecure about my own future therefore this year I have to do something . I have a feeling that history is going to repeat itself but the point is, I might not be so lucky anymore . I need to put in effort myself . Procrastination . Whatever . Determination is what I don't have but I will try my best .

Bye people . Work hard . For those who are having fun out there, enjoy yourselves because school is starting . Those that are in the same situation as me, don't give up on yourself because you control whatever you do (:

And honestly, I have been begging for answers 

That you and only you can give to me