There are five different ways people express their apologies .
1. Expressing Regret
It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. A simple “I’m sorry” is all they look for. There is no need for explanation or “pay back” provided the apology has truly come from the heart.
There's no need for excuses or attempt to deflect blame. Above all, it takes ownership of the wrong. For that reason, it is understood as a sincere commitment to repair and rebuild the relationship. The “Expressing Regret” Apology Language speaks most clearly when the person offering the apology reflects sincerity not only verbally, but also through body language. Unflinching eye contact and a gentle, but firm touch are two ways that body language can underscore sincerity.
2.Accepting Responsibility
It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. However, as adults, we must all admit that we are sinners and that we will make mistakes. We are going to make poor decisions that hurt our mates, and we are going to have to admit that we were wrong. We have to accept responsibility for our own failures.
For many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, “I am wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere. Many partners need to learn how to overcome their ego, the desire to not be viewed as a failure, and simply admit that their actions were wrong. For a mate who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. Though this may be hard to do for some people, it makes a world of a difference to your partner who speaks this language.
3. Make Restitution
In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A mate who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The mate who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.
There are many effective ways to demonstrate sincerity in an apology. Each mate must learn the other’s love language in order to complete the act of restitution. Though some mates may feel a though all is forgotten with a bouquet of flowers, that may not necessarily work for all mates. Every mate should uncover what their partner’s main love language is (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts) and use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way.
For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitutions, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, your mate will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love your mate and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.
4. Genuinely Repent
For some individuals, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology. Some mates will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behavior to avoid the situation in the future.
It’s important to remember that all true repentance begins in the heart. A mate must feel poorly for hurting their loved one, and rely on God’s help in order to truly change. Admitting you are wrong creates vulnerability. It allows your mate to get a glimpse of your heart. The glimpse of true self is assurance that the apology was sincere.
One important aspect of genuinely repenting is verbalizing your desire to change. Your mate cannot read your mind. Though you may be trying to change inside, if you do not verbalize your desire to change to your mate, most likely they will still be hurt.
Many people have problems with repenting when they do not feel as though their actions were morally wrong. However, in a healthy relationship, we often make changes that have nothing to do with morality and everything to do with building a harmonious marriage.
It is also important to make a dedicated plan for change. Often apologies involving repentance fail because the person never set up steps of action to help ensure success. A person must first set goals for their change. After you create realistic goals, then you can start implementing a plan to change. Taking baby steps towards repentance instead of insisting on changing all at once will increase your chances of successfully changing your ways.
It is important to remember that change is hard. Constructive change does not mean we will immediately be successful. There will be highs and lows on the road to change. You must remember that with God’s help, anyone can change their ways if they are truly and genuinely ready to repent.
5. Request Forgiveness
In some relationships, a mate wants to hear their partner physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their mate recognizes the need for forgiveness. By asking forgiveness for their actions, a partner is really asking their mate to still love them. Requesting forgiveness assures your mate that you want to see the relationship fully restored. It also proves to your mate that you are sincerely sorry for what you’ve done. It shows that you realize you’ve done something wrong. Requesting forgiveness also shows that you are willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended mate. You are leaving the final decision up to your partner – to forgive or not forgive.
Requesting forgiveness is not easy. It often leaves one vulnerable to the fear of rejection. Along with the fear of rejection is the fear of failing. Many people have a hard time seeking forgiveness because it means admitting that you have failed. The only way to overcome this fear is to recognize that it is very common amongst mankind. The commonality makes it okay to be a failure. It allows a stubborn mate to apologize to their partner and become a healthy individual.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that there is a difference between asking for forgiveness and DEMANDING forgiveness. When we demand forgiveness, we tend to forget the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice the offended party is supposed to make. Demanding forgiveness takes away the sincerity of asking for it.
Remember not to treat forgiveness lightly. It is something to be cherished and appreciated. The act of forgiveness is hard on both ends – for the person who’s asking and for the person who’s accepting.
credits : http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn_apology.html
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
One word. Cool. I guess I'm something of each. Let me read it over again and try to identify which aplology language I have and of course the apology language I accept. But I doubt I can figure it out. Expressing Regret is definintely my aplology language. Every time I do something wrong I would seriously regret it and then apologize . Guess some people are already sick of it . Some of my friends would start saying " haiyo. also not your fault . why apologizing over it ?" But all I want to say is that when I apologize I really mean it . The same with thank you(s) . I would never be forced into saying something I don't want to because I don't see the purpose .
The apology language I accept should be somewhere between .. Genuinely repenting and accepting responsibility . Sincerity should always be present in a apology . If not there is no point . I would easily feel better when someone realises that he or she is wrong and therefore apologizes to me for it . There's no need to the extent of buying gifts and all . I think thats a little absurd . But oh well ..
Guess I might buy this book . Actually I saw it in Popular Bookstore the other day, I mean yesterday when I was accompanying dar to buy teacher day gifts . Its really cool to understand how the human brain works isn't it ? How people look the same on the surface when they are actually all different in the inside even if its just a little .
I guess it would really be cool to know everyone's apology language :D
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- TODAY
Today is Teacher's Day .
Oh no .
I meant that today is teacher's day celebrations .
The actual teacher's day is on 1st september which is next monday . I was really angry in the morning . Shouldn't elaborate on why . People who saw me in the morning should know what happened .
Bought two stalks of flower from linglan . Intended to give them to my secondary school teachers . Saw what weiqin prepared for mr phang as teacher's day gift from the class . Creative . Very creative :D Bet he's touched and reading the messages each of us have written now . Or maybe he had already finished reading it . I'm sure he would be laughing at mine because on the card I wrote,
" According to hwee's law of simplicity, the meaningful a teacher's day message is inversely proportional to the amount of words on the card ..
hence, HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY ! "
Yupp . Thats all I wrote . Kind of lame but .. hahas :P
Was trying to complete our group's written report . Have to say it finally looks good . Not as shabby as before anymore . Couldn't finish it in time so in the end had to skip physics lecture for it . Lucky they were only watching videos that are related to the topic we are currently learning, SuperPosition . Minutes before the teacher's day concert, there were many people rushing to print their work out in the library . The scene at that moment was pretty hilarious I guess, though I'm no doubt, part of it .
Teacher's day concert was great . Had 7 groups to perform. They are actually the contestants that managed to get through the auditions . I guess it doesn't really matter to them if they win a not because I could see that all of them were enjoying themselves up there on stage . A couple of them was really touching . Felt the sweetness partly because of it .. and the MnMs :P
Shall upload the videos later . Or should I say I have been uploading them since the time I reached home but the file is really huge, hence for the wait . Never mind . I promise that they would be in by tomorrow ! Shall update about the concert tomorrow .
After school, went back to aiss . When we were going back, we looked like some gang or something . Because there is a " small " ai family in yjc . Quite disappointed that half of the teachers had left school . Managed to catch ms ilysa . She was so "encouraging" . Asked me if I was still taking physics . I said yes . Then she replied " Why ? I told you don't take already ! ". Gosh ><" Well . I'm bad at it but .. shall work harder . As usual mindy is still getting good grades for physics .
Met up with sharine, yuan xi, jia ying, mindy and others . Disappointed that jiaying and sharine couldn't go with us to yiling's house . Laopa tagged along too . At her house we were playing this card game " Idiot " which I just learnt . Fun . We were like going crazy over the game . Had forfeit . First was joyce then me and lastly yuan xi . I don't have the videos with me, its with yiling's friend I guess . But I will never upload them here man :X Tarnish the already non-existent reputation that I have . hahas .. After the game we were watching tv and all . Their friend, Cheryl was really friendly and easy to get along with . In the end all of us were talking together .
Then I left for home . Went to library to borrow some books . IRRITATING ! I think the new ez-link cannot be read by the machine . I always spend a long time trying to get the scanner to identify my ez-link . And somehow today it was really bad, couldn't read at all . So I had to go to the counter . Well . Forget it ><"
Tired ! Shall go and sleep . Slept really late yesterday night .. Or should I say today morning .
Going to study with jiaying tomorrow at woodlands library . Before that going to grab burger king's breakfast . Long time since I ate it . Especially with jiaying . Those times, I MISS THEM ! Glad that we will be eating it tomorrow ~ !
No comments:
Post a Comment