Sunday, September 14, 2008


Slept at 4am and woke up at 10am plus . Deserved it . Was watching taiwanese drama serial Ming Zhong all the way till 4am until my friend shooed me to sleep . Well .. =l I could have watched all the way till morning  . Darn ! SELF DISCILPINE ! Its really difficult to keep to that I guess .

"Studied" with dar, jas and chee wee at amk mac . Well . Then went to buy dad's birthday present . Tomorrow is his birthday . Bought this really cool present . Shall take a photo of it tomorrow . Already wrapped it up .

Well . Got to go . Tomorrow's GP promos and I need to stay focus for it . Good luck people :D

i guess i could only blame myself . and thats the only thing i could do well lately . its kind of dumb . in the past, i would have scolded whoever that is . now i realised im pushing everything to myself . some of my friends told me that im pushing myself to depression . i want to move away too . but i can't help but blaming myself for most of the things now .

a lot of people said that i've changed . i did wanted to change . to become not the "attitude" girl that everyone describe me to be in the past . tried to place myself in other people's shoes . and now . i guess it got overboard and now i'm blaming myself for everything .

today was an example . i couldn't say it out . i can't blame you . it was my fault afterall who don't want to join in . and i didn't want you to feel guilty for ps-ing me thats why when you called i asked you to just play . there's no need to come and accompany me .  except sometimes im not as strong as i seem to be . its kind of contradicting and perhaps what people say self inflicted . there's no need to do this to myself because i could have just opened my mouth and said that i wanted you to accompany me . but the point is im really afraid that the outcome is not what i wanted . isn;'t that worse . so might as well .. and its like i dun understand how you're thinking as much as im . im trying hard to accept you for who you are . trying to give in to everything .. 

whatever that you liked . its fine . i always get upset at first . but in the end i ask myself . of who's fault is that i don't share your interest ? its not your fault . i don't have the right to control you . you have the right to do whatever you want . i ain't the person to interfere . isn't it ? 

most of the time i don't say anything . i'm just scared of the outcome . because we share too little similarities and too much differences . and i almost have this thought everyday ..

perhaps she's just more suited for u ..

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