Saturday, October 04, 2008

maybe because its night time hence its more quite as compared to the noisy afternoons . And somehow, i'm able to reflect more on what i've done and the situation i'm currently in .

i have to admit that i'm never the type to study consistently normally nor the type that would really "chiong" during exam periods . the bad thing is i'm too slack even in exam times . there's no motivation . and somehow i would just scrape by .

if u ask me to imagine now, i have no idea nor inkling that i would even retain . i've never met with this kind of problem before because no matter what happens . lady luck would make sure i would get through . 

if you ask if i'm nervous or stressed now, i can't give an absolute answer . not really yes nor is it a definite no . nervous . fear . what if i don't promote ? relaxed . i doubt i would really retain right ? yet this kind of an answer make me even more anxious than before . too complacent . i need to study . the effort is not there . i don't want to regret at all .

yet all this bullshit stuff . i know it . but so what . as if im going to really study or something . there just ain't enough determination . 

most of all im afraid of the stress i've faced during o lvls period . when i tried to keep myself motivated by looking down by myself . the constant questioning and doubting of my own abilities . i don't want to go through them again . often than not, i would only break down and cry while forcing myself to continue and study .

i don't want it to happen again . all thats left now is only 2 days and more . whatever i can do . i will try my best . but i can never go to that extent like what i did in o lvls . there just ain't enough motivation plus i have too much on my mind right now .

i just somehow .. can't manage to focus ..

No comments: